Testimonies
YPG
"Because You are strong"
1 John 2:14
Suicidal Lyrics
adam jordan before Finding out that I had been adopted at birth left a deep void inside of me which I didn't know how to fill. What made me feel worse was that my parents didn't tell me about my adoption, but instead they told my girlfriend.
When I learned about this from my girlfriend I got angry at my parents for not telling me.
This affected me to the point of starting to feel worthless because my own biological mother didn't want me, and anger started to build up inside of me.
At that time, a "friend" of mine introduced me to the band "Slipknot". I felt that I had found something that I could relate to, all along I had been looking for an outlet to release my anger and "Slipknot" became just that.
Most of the song lyrics of this band talk about the pleasure of killing, about being depressed, about feeling lost and so forth. When I started listening to this I remember I started thinking about killing my foster mother while she was asleep.
While at home I would focus on the lyrics and memorize them, so that when at school I'd be able to hum them during class or write them down on a notebook. "Slipknot" consumed me.
I started watching interview of this band just so that I could learn more about the members. When I learned that some of them had
a family of their own, their wife and children, I thought of them as normal guys. But even so, these guys felt lonely, depressed, isolated, it was as if there was no place for them to go to.
One of the members, the Clown, would lay in his father's ashes because he wanted to be closer to him, just as I wanted to be close to my dad. Another member of the band draws blood and mixes it with paint to use for his drumsticks.
Yet another was born with an organic brain syndrome and was born with six fingers on each hand (which were later amputated). This member said, "Wearing a mask prevents the oxygen from going to my skull. I get hallucinations and half the time I don't know what's going on around me. It's up to the clown to intimidate me and keep me in line."
The power drums player said, "The mask I wear reflects my comic personality. Plus, I chose it for the bondage factor. When you
put it on, it takes you to another place. It's very hot, tight and it hurts - which goes along with the aggression we create."
Some of the members of the band have drinking problems, addictions and self-harm tendencies.
I found that in one way or another, I could relate to each one
of the members. For that reason, "Slipknot" began consuming me. Their song lyrics worked like a charm, the way in which they influenced me is unbelievable. They drove me insane and strengthened the anger and hatred that were inside of me more and more each time. How could I think that would have any positive impact in my life?
It later became my life. Everything I had was dark. I painted my room in a dark shade of grey. Slipknot posters filled the walls. Then the thought of suicide came, I wanted to die. I started picking fights with my little brother. Once I almost stopped his breathing from hitting him too hard.
An ex-girlfriend brought me to The Universal Church because she saw how miserable I was. At first, I went for her but what I found there was what I was in need for a long time. The pastor talked about being happy and free from depression, medication and the past. It was as if he was talking directly to me.
I began to attend the services. I joined the YPG, which became my second family. I've made lots of friends in the group and I can help others who were caught up in the same situation I was in. I was able to forgiven my parents and now live happily. Now my life has taken a total turn for the better. I no longer listen to those harmful lyrics but I listen to God's voice.
Adam
Jordan
YPG - Member
